


Underneath

by MuscleMemory



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-26
Updated: 2017-02-26
Packaged: 2018-09-27 03:55:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9957377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MuscleMemory/pseuds/MuscleMemory
Summary: “You already know everything.” Alec whispers but Magnus is alerted instantly, his eyes open, craning his neck to get a glimpse of Alec’s face.He stays quiet, merely squeezing Alec’s hand to try and soothe him. Alec’s sigh rips right through Magnus and he wishes he could pull him into himself to protect him from any harm.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Got inspired by a friend's sadness which is terrible but at least I could gift this to them.
> 
> Somehow turned into show canon or what I'd love to see.
> 
> Biggest thanks to my Parabeta AlyxHavok and also jeeznametaken for your input!! <3

Dim light from the livingroom is greeting Magnus as he steps through the front door, the tingle in his nape letting him know _he_ ’s here. His heart pounds that much faster, but stops for a moment as he walks inside and takes in the view before him.

A man’s sitting on the couch, unmoving, bent slightly forward into himself, his shoulders slumped, a glass of wine, he most likely hasn’t taken one sip from, in his hand, his eyes dull, staring ahead. He looks broken in a way Magnus has seen, has experienced. A way that has him feel the flares of screaming pain which will not be silenced deep in his gut. He takes a moment to collect himself before he steps closer carefully, his body speaking of caution, like nearing a wounded wild animal.

He crouches down before the Shadowhunter, a hand hovering next to Alec’s holding the glass, the other just above his knee. “Alec?” He says as softly as possible, trying to get his attention, wanting those eyes to look at him to know he’s really here with him.

When Alec looks up, their eyes connecting, Magnus feels a wave of relief which is short-lived, however, by the torment reflected in the hazel depths. Magnus takes the glass from him, puts it on the table behind them and takes Alec’s hands gently into his as he moves to sit down next to him. He needn’t ask if something’s wrong. He just hopes Alec knows he can tell him, that he trusts him enough. All Magnus wants is to make it better, whatever it is, seeing this determined, strong, wonderful man who has so much to give, so much to find out about himself, so small and hurt is causing a storm of agony inside himself.

Alec averts his eyes and Magnus wishes he could reassure him, magic every drop of the ocean of pain inside Alec away forever. He’s taken by surprise when the Shadowhunter drops against his shoulder with a deep exhale of breath and Magnus’ arm comes around him, encasing him in a safe hold, his eyes closing as he lets his head rest atop Alec’s, their fingers interlacing. They stay like this for a while, Magnus listening to Alec’s breathing and heartbeat.

“You already know everything.” Alec whispers but Magnus is alerted instantly, his eyes open, craning his neck to get a glimpse of Alec’s face.

He stays quiet, merely squeezing Alec’s hand to try and soothe him. Alec’s sigh rips right through Magnus and he wishes he could pull him into himself to protect him from any harm.

“Jocelyn… the demon… Jace… I… I was so glad so much was going on that I didn’t have to deal with anything that’s happened in the last weeks… not really, because I had some tragedy to focus on, or you… all I wanted was to be with you so I wouldn’t have to think about anything else. But it doesn’t work like that forever, does it?” Magnus listens intently, staying quiet as he knows Alec already found out the answer to his question.

“Can I really tell you anything? Even if it’s about-”

“Yes, Alexander, anything, no matter what, you don’t have to worry about hurting me, I promise I’ll still be here no matter what you’re going to tell me.” Magnus presses his lips into Alec’s hair, inhaling his scent, hoping Alec will believe him, fearing what he’s going to say, but he knows better than most that light and darkness reign in every creature and guilt and shame paralyze them, making their suffering even worse. He wants to know every part of Alec, every shade of light and especially every shade of dark, too, having plenty of those himself.

He can feel Alec’s free hand on his hip, his long fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt, clinging to it. For a moment Magnus is terrified of inevitably letting him down, of being unable to comfort him. What if he ruins him more? He has to fight those fears anew a lot of the time, especially now that he cares so profoundly for this man, now that he’s fallen so deeply, so heavily his head’s still spinning with the impact. He’ll have to hold on, trust Alec to catch him the same way. He does.

“It’s about Jace… those feelings I had… for him…” Magnus hears Alec holding his breath, scared of what Magnus will think, say? “It’s okay, you can tell me.” He tries to reassure him, make himself sound as confident and unbothered as can be while his heart is hammering quite madly in his chest. He listens to Alec’s heavy intake of breath, his arm tightening around his waist.

“I know I’ve moved on once I let myself think about it, even before I… thought of you in that way, I mean that I could… that I wanted to be with you. I finally realized that he was never going to feel that way for me which I did know but it wasn’t fully… there… I wish I would’ve understood it sooner… but I couldn’t let myself then, it wasn’t real enough. I feel like… so much never felt quite real to me in the way that I had to deal with it or break. I had it all worked out, the way I could function without ever addressing the problem, without giving it a name and making it hurt that way you just can’t ignore it anymore. Like with Jocelyn… I know I didn’t really kill her, but… every time I think I rationalized it, it screws me up all over again and I just want to run from it… But I don’t want to keep doing that… I want to… be strong enough to handle my messes and not hide from them like a coward… I don’t want to… hate myself like that.”

Magnus is overcome with so many emotions all he can do for the moment is hook his arm under Alec’s knees and pull his legs up over his lap, then wrap him as tightly as possible against his own body, glad when Alec closes his arms around Magnus’ waist, pressing his face against his chest and Magnus rests his chin against his head, trying to think, to find the right words to ease even a fraction of Alec’s ordeal.

“First of all, there’s nothing wrong with you as I already told you, and I meant it then and I mean it now. You’ve been burdened with being the eldest son and a Shadowhunter, with your parents’ mistakes and expectations and having to hide your true self, who you’ve loved, and despite all of that you have one of the strongest, most enduring and kindest hearts and will give your life for anyone you love, which you’ve proven a little too often for my liking, but it all makes you who you are and none of us would want to change you, Alexander, all we want, all I want is to see you happy. And I know you can move on from this guilt, you will find a way to forgive yourself for whatever it is that pulls those chains tight around your heart. You will get rid of them and you will learn to love yourself as we… as I do.”

Apart from their slow breathing everything’s quiet, the warmth of their embrace blanketing them safely. Magnus doesn’t regret his words even if it was too soon for Alec to hear. He needs to hear them, from everyone who cares for him, until he finally believes them, until he finally knows how good he is, how much he’s loved, how others would also give their lives for him.

Magnus’ fingers are slowly moving up and down Alec’s nape and into his hair and Magnus wonders whether he’s fallen asleep as he feels rather relaxed, almost limp in his arms, breathing evenly.

But then he moves and Magnus stills his hand, their faces suddenly close, Alec’s eyes moving hesitantly to look at him. Magnus can’t but smile slightly at the fondness filling his chest as his eyes take in Alec’s messy hair sticking up slightly at one side, a few strands flat over part of his forehead, the drowsy look on his face mingling with that kind of soul-weary exhaustion. Magnus runs his fingers gently through Alec’s hair before he cradles Alec’s cheek, his thumb softly moving over the skin under his eye, their eyes locking.

Alec’s lips part in that way he means to say something but his inner turmoil is too strong to overcome in the moment. Magnus moves his thumb to caress along Alec’s lips, his eyes full of warmth and understanding. He shakes his head slightly and leans closer, his lips on Alec’s forehead, lingering before moving on, slowly, lovingly trailing over Alec’s temple, cheek and jaw and he can hear Alec’s sweet sigh, feel how his fingers drag over Magnus’ back with such care, feel his warm breath on his face.

Alec’s lashes touch his cheeks as Magnus glances up, a silky shudder weaving through him, coiling around his heart, burning invitingly in his belly. Alec’s eyes open, their look of adoration engulfing Magnus wholly, leaving him breathless.

Until Alec’s mouth covers his, soft, warm lips sliding, tenderly pulling, a moist, warm tongue slipping into his mouth, finding and moving with his, fingers gliding over his neck and short hair, his own hands holding onto Alec, never wanting to lose this feeling of finally living fully, finally being home. And he won’t.


End file.
